


you've never seen the rain

by escapismandsharpobjects



Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Nightmares, Pre-Slash, different POV
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-05
Updated: 2020-02-05
Packaged: 2021-02-28 03:15:48
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,275
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22566922
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/escapismandsharpobjects/pseuds/escapismandsharpobjects
Summary: a retelling of my fic 'when you fall, just lean on me' from buck's perspective
Relationships: Evan "Buck" Buckley & Eddie Diaz, Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz
Comments: 12
Kudos: 92





	you've never seen the rain

**Author's Note:**

> big thanks to Shadowb3e and thesocialwolves for requesting i write this!!! i had a lot of fun doing it!   
> title is once again from never seen the rain by tones and i.

Something’s up with Eddie. Buck sees it in his face at the crash, sees it in his eyes in the truck. He can’t quite place a finger on it, but then Eddie yawns and tries to hide it behind his hands and Buck realizes that he hadn’t seen Eddie wake up when the alarm went off-in fact, as he thinks about it, he realizes that when he’d opened his eyes, Eddie’d already been sitting up. Coupling that with the yawning and the faraway look in his eyes, Buck concludes that Eddie hasn’t slept recently.

Granted, none of them have slept recently. An hour or two while on shift hardly counts for anything. But. Well. It is  _ something _ . Something which Eddie hasn’t gotten, by the looks of him.

Buck thinks a little harder, and comes to the rather startling realization that he doesn’t think he’s  _ ever  _ seen Eddie sleep at work. Everyone else, he’s seen taking a catnap on the couch, crawling into their bunk for some quick shuteye on a bad day, falling asleep at the end of their shift and not bothering to go home. But Eddie...he truly can’t remember a time when he actually saw him sleep. Which is slightly odd, considering how Eddie is his best friend and all. 

They are about halfway back to the station when Eddie falls asleep across from him, slumped against the wall. There’s a smudge of something, grease or dust maybe, on his cheek, and his eyes are underlined with dark circles. His hair is a mess. _He looks exhausted_ , Buck thinks. How had he not noticed until now?

The truck turns a corner and Eddie jerks in his sleep, ever so slightly. Buck notices this, then realizes that he has noticed, and subsequently realizes that he’s been staring silently at Eddie for the last minute or so, and quickly looks away. Bobby, who is sitting next to him, glances up curiously, looks like he’s about to say something, then apparently changes his mind and starts talking to the other firefighter in the cab, a recent transfer from the 110.

Buck is just about to chime in to their conversation when Eddie makes a noise. It’s soft and desperate, something between a whine and a muted scream. Buck returns his eyes to Eddie once again, not liking what he sees. He’s sweaty and shaking and although he’s still asleep, there’s a pained expression on his face.  _ Nightmare _ , Buck thinks, turning to Bobby at the same instant that Bobby turns to him. 

Bobby opens his mouth like he’s going to say something, but then Eddie makes the noise again, slightly louder and slightly more desperate, and Buck, almost without thinking, reaches across the seat and gently shakes Eddie’s shoulder in an effort to wake him up. Eddie’s sleeping form twists away from him, and Buck quickly withdraws his hand, but Eddie doesn’t seem to realize this, as he continues unconsciously backing into the corner of the truck, writhing like something’s got a grip on him. 

The truck pulls back into the station before Buck can decide what he should do next, but by the time the engine’s off, he’s figured out what to do. He promptly shoos his fellow firefighters out of the truck, and asks Bobby to keep the paramedics away as well. 

The truck now empty, Buck enacts the second stage of his plan-waking Eddie up. The issue is that Eddie is exhausted, and therefore his body wants to stay asleep, even if his mind is putting him through hell. It might take a bit more than a shake of the shoulder, but Buck tries that again anyway, moving to sit beside Eddie instead of across from him.

“Eddie! Eddie, wake up!”

Nothing. He jostles Eddie’s shoulder slightly harder. “Eddie! Wake up. You’re just dreaming.”

Still nothing. He goes for a slightly different approach and talks instead of shouting. “Eddie. Eddie. Wake up.” 

This, finally, does the trick. Eddie’s eyes open ever so slightly, and Buck, without thinking, wraps comforting arms around his friend. 

Eddie shoots up suddenly, throwing Buck’s arms off of himself. Buck moves to...do  _ something _ , he supposes, but before he can work out what, Eddie is wavering on his feet and sinking back into the seat, still too pale, still sweaty, still shaking. But he opens his eyes fully, and looks around, fear and shame written clearly across his face.

Buck speaks to him again, opting for quiet, comforting words. “You’re okay, Eddie, you’re safe. Do you know where we are?”

Eddie speaks softly, his voice scratchy. “Back at the station. Still in the truck. Where’s everyone else?”

“I made them clear out. Didn’t think you’d want to have everyone looking at you.”

Eddie nods. “I’m sorry,” he says, nearly tripping over the words. “I’m sorry.”

Buck decides to once again try something, and slowly, carefully, snakes an arm around Eddie’s shoulders, giving him plenty of time to move away or stop him. Eddie does neither of these things, so Buck asks, “This okay?”

Eddie nods at him again, and Buck breathes a sigh of relief. He needs to say something, he thinks. He needs to be reassuring. He needs to be there for his best friend. 

“Listen to me, Eddie. You have nothing to be sorry for, okay? All of us have nightmares. Me, Hen, Chim, even Cap. We all have stuff we dream about. It sucks, but honestly? It’s normal.”

It’s less poetic than he would have liked, but it gets the point across well enough. He smiles slightly at Eddie, who looks back at him with eyes that are more open and vulnerable than anything Buck’s ever seen before, and for a moment, he thinks Eddie’s going to cry, but this is  _ Eddie _ . Eddie doesn’t really cry.

Except that he does. He opens his mouth like he’s going to say something, but then tears fill his eyes, and he takes a breath like he thinks that’s going to do something, like that’s going to stop this, but it doesn’t, and suddenly he’s crying and Buck freezes for a second, unsure of what to do. Eddie whimpers, and Buck can practically feel his heart breaking, and just as he makes up his mind to pull Eddie to him and hold him like the world will end if he lets go, Eddie does it for him, turning and pressing his face into Buck’s shoulder and sniffling. 

His legs, which had been pressed firmly into the floor, suddenly slip away from him with the sudden movement, and he starts to slide off the seat. He reaches out desperately, and Buck thinks that in another situation, this could’ve been funny, the picture of Eddie sliding helplessly away to the floor as though he’s just fallen off a five story building instead of the seat of a fire truck. 

But it’s not funny in this moment, seeing Eddie’s hand reaching out blindly, reaching out for him. He grabs Eddie’s hand, then his arm, and pulls him back up onto the seat. He turns Eddie to face him, then wraps gentle arms around him, and holds on. Eddie grips onto the back of Buck’s shirt like it’s a lifeline, burying his face into his shoulder once again. Buck cautiously threads a hand into Eddie’s hair, pulling him closer still, like he has the power to tether Eddie to the Earth again if he just holds on tight enough. 

In the back of his mind, Buck thinks,  _ something is happening _ . He can’t quite name it, can’t even capture it long enough to get a good look. But it’s something, and it happens like this.

**Author's Note:**

> thanks so much for reading!!! i hope you enjoyed this, feel free to let me know what you think!


End file.
